i had a [---] dream

no, not a wet dream.
but a sex dream.

an in-fucking-tense sex dream.

my first. EVER. seriously.

probably one of the most emotionally draining dreams i've ever had.
so intense that i woke up, in total love mode....sweating...smiling...and seriously thinking that it had actually happened...and then looking over my shoulder, expecting you to be laying next to me.

you weren't.

but the dream...it lasted forever. and everything was so real. real-er than real. if that makes any sense?

it was like a story. a movie, even. we got into your car...started talking, really passionately, making intense eye contact.

i know we've had intense conversations in real life, and on the phone before.. but nothing like this. nothing. i remember thinking, wow.. she has never opened up to me like this before.

talking..steamy eye contact....and then a kiss, at a stop light.
a real kiss. a kiss you see in the movies. timed.. emotional...nervous...WOW. i felt nervous in my dream. i felt like i was being kissed for the first time. it was like my lips had never tasted lips before.

and then to your house...

i lay on your bed. and you... on top of me.. and it happens.

IT. happens.

and its the most amazing feeling i've ever had...i felt like, in that moment, it was meant to be. and everything that happened, was supposed to happen.
i loved every minute of it. but it wasn't like that kinky weird crazy omg let's have sex..sex.

it was, passionate, emotional, the "holyshit i think i love you" - sex.
and then.. and then... and then...

i wake up.
alone. wishing i was still dreaming.
thinking OH MY GOD. OHHH MYYY GODDD.

this can't be.
i can't have a sex dream about YOU.

and then going on to think...
that i wish i wasn't always wondering what if.

we have the strangest relationship.
strangest.

ever since we met.. almost a year ago...

we've cliqued. but as friends. best friends.

and i'm in love with my 'her'
and you're in love with your 'her'.

but why do we feel this way... about eachother?
..why have we always felt this way about eachother?

it's the strangest thing.
i know you're my best friend. i know that's whats meant to be, and i love it. i love that we have this crazy awesome relationship.

but i don't know why i randomly have these thoughts...
and why i still feel a little something... sometimes.

the dream just freaked me out.
because if there was a glimpse of real in that dream... then, maybe there was something real.. but we were just afraid to admit it. or afraid to take the chance.
i wish... i didn't think these things...
about you.

and now i cant help but wonder.....


WHAT IF?
what would have happened?


fuck.